I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.