I think about you every night.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
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he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.