too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.