guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
