I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life