some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You should frame my arrest warrant.