i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo