Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.

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(773): i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink. http://tfl.nu/eils

Replies (25) Good night (3335) Bad night (526)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.

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(202): Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death. http://tfl.nu/mvsk

Replies (12) Good night (1012) Bad night (4937)
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(407): View more from Florida

When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.

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(407): When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much. http://tfl.nu/q4wr

Replies (22) Good night (4657) Bad night (1300)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?

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(515): Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this? http://tfl.nu/woh0

Replies (9) Good night (5310) Bad night (869)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.

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(480): I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies. http://tfl.nu/khmt

Replies (9) Good night (5824) Bad night (1023)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.

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(859): In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing. http://tfl.nu/n1s5

Replies (4) Good night (3067) Bad night (568)
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(407): View more from Florida

Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston

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(407): Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston http://tfl.nu/rb3u

Replies (5) Good night (2027) Bad night (830)
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(804): View more from Virginia

I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.

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(804): I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years. http://tfl.nu/h8vw

Replies (8) Good night (1890) Bad night (698)
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(714): View more from California

He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

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(714): He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE. http://tfl.nu/67b2

Replies (11) Good night (595) Bad night (1345)
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(407): View more from Florida

Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.

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(407): Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake. http://tfl.nu/hj3n

Replies (10) Good night (1075) Bad night (563)
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(716): View more from New York

You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will

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(716): You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will http://tfl.nu/h8xm

Replies (3) Good night (771) Bad night (701)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up

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(919): at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up http://tfl.nu/r47i

Replies (3) Good night (651) Bad night (348)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.

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(770): Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning. http://tfl.nu/57kn

Replies (4) Good night (240) Bad night (520)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?

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(519): Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot? http://tfl.nu/ltik

Replies (3) Good night (336) Bad night (251)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on

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(864): She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on http://tfl.nu/qa30

Replies (1) Good night (430) Bad night (244)

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