Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.

(507): View more from Minnesota

she is a standing ovation.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.

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(813): View more from Florida

So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3

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(631): View more from New York

Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(402): View more from Nebraska

Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.

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(406): View more from Montana

Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.

(1-262): View more from Wisconsin

Prepare the pitchfork.

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