literally had 100 drinks last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
