Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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