Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
