It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
