He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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