1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
