and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
