i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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