He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
