Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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