I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
