using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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