I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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