Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize