Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
