He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
