Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
