I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
