it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm really busy with my period
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