How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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