well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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