He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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