I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
