I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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