that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
