He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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