I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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