i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
