So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
