Life is so much better after having sex.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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