Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
