i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
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I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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