mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
