k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
