Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
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THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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