Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
