I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
