Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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