Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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