wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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