Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
