The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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