Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
