just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
