For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
