When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
