This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
