he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
