I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
