Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
