Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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