I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
