but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
