so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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