Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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