i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
