I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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