C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
