if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
