Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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